How to Stop Feeling So Intimidated by People

Stop Feeling IntimidatedI used to get intimidated by people so easily. People I thought were bigger and better than me. I’d shake and stutter and make myself as small as possible. I’d fill my words with ‘I’m sorry’s’, having nothing in particular to apologize for. I’d hide the fierceness that has always lived within me. 

Over the past few years there’s been a major shift in me. An internal shift that’s come from a ton of work on myself, from challenging the perspective I had developed over way too many years.

I’ve taken risks, I’ve taken time to be on my own and figure out who I am (and who I’m not), and I’ve challenged the rules I was taught to live my life by.

Ironically, in many ways life has come full circle. I’m back working as a lawyer and I’m living in a place I thought I had left forever, but now surprisingly enjoy.

But I’m not the same. I’ve changed. And so these old but new roles fit so differently. And I feel gratitude to the Universe for showing me this 360 degree perspective.

One major shift I’ve experienced is how I feel about the people around me. People don’t scare me anymore. People I used to view on the highest of pedestals, towering over quivering me.

I no longer quiver. They no longer tower.

If you are often intimidated by others, here are a few things I’ve learned along they way. I hope they help you see that you deserve to stand strongly amongst even your greatest idols, “superiors”, and authority figures.

1. The person you’re intimidated by is human.

Even your biggest idol, or the head of the company you answer to, or whoever it is that makes your knees shake, is still just a person. They have family issues, daddy issues, mother issues, insecurities, things they’re trying to prove, obstacles they’re trying to overcome, fears they’re dealing with, people they’re hoping to impress, bills they have to pay, and feelings they’re trying to protect. And they all poop in the morning, floss their teeth at night, cry when they’re alone, and do whatever else it is that makes us completely and utterly human.

They are no different from you. No better. No worse. 

2. They may not be who you think they are, after all.

powerful-people

I had quite a few people that I idolized, that I was so intimidated to meet, and then upon meeting and interacting with them shockingly found that not only were some of them not the people I thought they were, they were sometimes even ego driven, rude and judgmental of those around them (including a famed celebrity whose name I won’t mention!). It’s all love, we all have our own demons to battle but after enough of these experiences I started to question the values I so quickly assigned to those who intimidated me.

We often idolize those in powerful positions. But power doesn’t always come with tact or with the gentleness we should all strive to treat one another with. Power is just as likely to accompany a fragile ego as is insecurity. And power fueling a fragile ego can be a particularly troublesome combination.

With enough of these experiences, I learned to change the way I judge people.

Powerfulpeople are those who impact me deeply, spiritually,
lovingly, regardless of what their resumes are stacked with.
Powerful people are the people I welcome into my life, who welcome
me back, who fill me with positivity, and who teach me how to grow.

This is not to say that some of the people I idolized or admired didn’t turn out to be some of the most loving, generous and kind people I know. They absolutely did. But again, I see them now for the love they share with the world, not for merely their title or “power”.

3. Separate your own ego.

I used to think I was egoless, because I felt insecure, so where’s the ego there? But it is there. Ego is just as involved in insecurity as it is in arrogance. You’re worried about how the world is perceiving you. You’re fearing people will spot your imperfections. You’re attached to and driven by the opinions of others.

Acknowledge your ego. Know that if your response to someone is based on fear, it’s your ego talking, telling you you’re not good enough. The more aware of it you are, the more you can learn to separate from it and send it love, instead of letting it control you and your emotions.

4. Don’t posture — but do stand tall.

Never pretend to be someone you’re not in order to impress anybody. Fakeness is oddly transparent, especially on those who feel insecure to begin with.

Alway strive for authenticity.
Be who you are, the best version of who you are.

Those who don’t accept that version of you, are not meant to be in your life, no matter how special or admired they may seem to be. Wish them well and move on.

There is such beauty in the authenticity that comes from a place of humble self-love and acceptance, instead of a place of ego driven fear. Find that place and you will stand tall genuinely, instead of pretending to be someone you’re not and posturing from insecurity.   

5. Understand your own worth. 

To be the best version of who you are, you must first accept who you are, whole heartedly. Stop fighting against yourself. Put your inner battles to rest. Accept yourself. Accept your history. Accept the flaws you cannot change and grow in all the ways you can. Rewrite the internal story you’ve been telling about yourself into a story of triumph.

The people who intimidate you are not worth more than you. They are not better than you. They are not more deserving. They are not luckier.

We are all the same and we are all just trying to find our way
in this world and heal our souls in the process.
To do so we must look internally, with love and gratitude,
not outwardly with envy and lack.

Own who you are. Own your experiences. Own your strengths and even your weaknesses. Stand strong in all that makes you, you.

6. Approach everyone with love.  

Lastly, one of the best ways I’ve learned to lose all intimidation of others is to assume that everyone I meet already loves me. And I assume that they are lovable as well. It’s amazing how quickly this technique can soften up even the harshest and scariest of people.

If you approach people assuming that they won’t like you or that they’ll hurt you in some way, chances are they won’t like you or they’ll hurt you in some way.

Our lives are the fruits of our thoughts.
Believe in the good in you. Believe that others will see it, and so they will.

Soon enough you’ll see, that there’s no reason to be so intimidated by others, you have way too much to give and you are open to all you wish to receive.

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38 Responses to How to Stop Feeling So Intimidated by People

  1. Jennifer says:

    Thank you for this! I especially love #6, such a timely reminder!

  2. Lou says:

    Hi Liz,

    Lovely post 🙂 Thank you for your writing here, I hadn’t noticed the absense too much but I’m really delighted to hear you got back on track, I understand that process really well and have had a similar experience myself lately 🙂

    Your last post about the love rituals and the walk in the park has stayed with me in such a beautiful way and I only just realised how much it impacted me now as I read this. So thank you for that and for the fact that I so infrequently get rained on on my morning walk and meditation 🙂 Much love and light,

    Louise

    • Liz says:

      Thank you so much for saying that Lou! I’m so glad that post resonated with you. And lovely to know we are both enjoying our morning walks without getting rained on. Lots of love to you <3

  3. carly carter says:

    Beautiful, kind, thoughtful words as always. Thanks for the reminder to respond after a deep breath and a moment of pause.

  4. Brenna Gee says:

    I needed the gentle reminder to approach everyone with love. Like you, I’ve slipped off track lately. I feel like I have been spinning in my own wants/lacks. I need to stop looking to others for happiness and start seeing what I already have. I need to spearhead my own path.

    Thank you for allowing me to benefit from your wisdom. I’m moving forward with an open and less intimidated heart.

    • Liz says:

      Thank you for reading, Brenna. We all slip off track at times, still trying to get back on mine. But I’m so glad you are taking steps to refocus on all that you have as you move forward. Sending you lots of love and thoughts of abundance! <3

  5. Allison King says:

    Thanks so much for sharing this Liz! I am constantly feeling intimidated by others and this has put a new perspective on things for me. I struggle with number 5 so much so I appreciate this time of reflection.

    • Liz says:

      I’m so glad this has helped bring a new perspective for you Allison! We’ve all struggled with number 5, so you are not alone. I hope you’re able to reflect on just how worthy you really are <3

  6. Jyoti says:

    Dear Liz,
    After a long time , I came across such article .Its so nicely written,liked it at first,may be due to same frequency…….myself also a Cancerian.

  7. this is very inspirational..is there a book for this..I could learn from this..I'm tired of being intimidated by PEOPLE

  8. Annie says:

    Hey Liz
    It was nice reading your article n it was great learning that you ‘ve stopped intimidation on yourself ….
    I am myself intimidated by ppl because i am fat so they say anything abt my weight …
    I don’t know what the hell ppl have got with my weight ..
    When ppl say something abt my weight i can’t retaliate hand to hand….Later on i feel frustrated n angry abt their way of dealing me…..
    plz help me!!

  9. Soma Chowdhury says:

    Hi..my angel..loving your articles so much..its so damn inspiring dear friend..am in love with u..

    Thanks&regards..
    Soma
    India

  10. Charlotte Green says:

    This is fantastic! I will read this every day until it sinks in 🙂 I have always found certain people intimidating, I have always had low self esteem and felt inferior to others. My lack of confidence has always stopped me from getting anywhere in my life. I am going to change this, I am determined 🙂

  11. Deepti Chaudhary says:

    I liked this post a lot. I started working in Germany. I come from India. Two different worlds. Cultures are different and also how people talk and react. I have been here for only one year. Felt a bit stressed out this week. I am going to try out about intimidation.

  12. Timothy Clark says:

    Thank you so much for writing this. People have always intimidated me & I’ve never really felt confident in myself with anything. I’ll try to remember this advice from now on!

  13. Paulette Bailey says:

    A lot of wisdom in this post – thank you. You've given me food for thought and a couple of things to work through.

  14. fanofLiz says:

    Hi, I struggle with social interaction and this post has been very useful to me. I usually come off as shy and awkward and have a kind of reputation for being unparticipative in my school.When I talk to people, I keep thinking they won’t treat me equally and I usually have second thoughts because when joining a conversation, I usually have the tendency to not be taken seriously or embarrass myself.
    Think you could share any of your insight with me? Thanks for taking the time!

  15. I love this post thank you so much. I can tell it's going to help me a lot. And I can already start to feel freedoms in some areas I've had a hard time with before. So awesome!

  16. Anonymous says:

    I wish i could meet and hug you…
    I have read all of your articles and they are so helpful..
    THANKS ALOT….

  17. Vaughn Edison says:

    Liz, I thank you so much for this wonderful article. I’m sure this will help me. I just want to hug you right now 🙂 Again thank you for sharing your nice perspective towards life.

  18. I relate to how you are feeling, go for whatever you feel you want to achieve.I have under immense, self doubt – I have achieved and you can…..Love & Light.

  19. Vivek says:

    Thank you Liz. Lots of love for you.

  20. Amazing, beautiful article! Thank you 🙂

  21. stephanie says:

    Thanks for posting this article. My boss is very intimidating in the sense she is emotes arrogance when she talks, tries to question your capability and confidence. I tend fumble even if I know the answer. I dont know whether this behaviour of hers can be called as bullying.

    I will try and not get intimidated and present myself with confidence

  22. Neek says:

    Thanks for sharing!!It’s amazing we can share these thoughts of our own workings so easily these days. There were times when people were in complete darkness. I am working on my perception of me from the world for a while and arrived at similar conclusion, even though i would put it slightly different, from my own perception and experience. One day i used to think it was weird to think these thoughts, and i didn’t know what i was doing. Thanks to the old universe cliche for allowing me to see the light. Wish I understood this earlier

  23. Yooha Ahooy says:

    The way that you write it you'd think that it's so easy to do it pssssst

  24. I have struggled with this all my life. This article has been an eye opener for me.

  25. VIP Rep says:

    I’m currently working at a place where I deal with a lot of intimidation, this helps out a lot. I work as a VIP representative for a hotel for the past 3 weeks now and it is a daily battle. It is to the point where I just don’t want to deal with any of the people I’m catering to. This is making me realize why I shouldn’t even be intimidated. I will be reading this everyday to remind myself, even out of work. THANK YOU!!!

  26. Lexi says:

    i’m so glad I read this article, I have been feeling stressed and was unable to pin points what it was. I wrote down what I was feeling and intimidated came up. I found this article and it has really helped me to understand what emotions I have been feeling.

  27. thank you for every word written!

  28. Chris Garcia says:

    Thank you, article was helpful. Change the mentality that people are trying to hurt you or trying to make you less. But instead everyone is caring and look at everyone as just another person ☺ Thank you again!

  29. […] you can’t find the right words to defend yourself or you start to feel too anxious or intimidated, you can just say something simple like “Thanks so much for that insight. Have a nice […]

  30. Princess Ovivi -Ghana West Africa says:

    Thanks for that piece.
    But i would like to add a word:)
    The best way to deal with internal battles and to accept who you are is to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and personal saviour.
    .Yeah .
    He has assured u of His unfailing Love…no need to struggle within 🙂
    Stay blessed

  31. Thai says:

    It’s a very nice writing from a very nice person. I like it! 🙂

  32. Bob says:

    Loved the article but number 6 is what I firmly believe in.

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